Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Finding that middle ground between being a mom and being me

Here lately I am struggling with being a good mom and a good wife.
I want so badly to be back at work doing things away from the home.
Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade being a mom or a wife for anything in the world. I love my job as both.
But I have been craving something more. I want to be back out there around other adults. I have tried going out with the girls and just Rob and I going out. But it always seems that we turn to talking about our kids or talking about what bills we have to pay or what we are making for the school projects.
I need something more. Something other than dirty diapers and piles of clothes that need washing and dishes that need to be cleaned.
When Rob and I had our first we agreed that I would stay at home and be the primary care giver. And I have done that for 12 years. It has worked out nicely. For the short year I did work at a day care center I took Jordan with me. She loved it because she got more time with her friends from school. While that job was fun it just wasn't for me. After having kids of your own, hang out with more kids that aren't yours just isn't all that fun.
I have started sewing more for other people and that is good and it does bring in extra money for me to spend on what I want to. I also have started baking more and that is fine as well. It's just not away from the home. It's still trapping me in the home. I know most working mom's would probably tell me to stop complaining and be happy I can stay at home and do what I do. And they are probably right. I do sound a bit whinny and ungrateful for what I am able to do for my children.
I guess I need to find that middle ground and do something more for me and not so much for others. Maybe that would solve some of the issues I am having.

1 comment:

Jeni said...

Laurie,

A few things I do are joining a book club, going to lectures, taking classes. Maybe there is something you'd like to take at the local college or community center? Sometimes those years wear on us as we realize how different we are and how much we want a lifeline back to "me" again.